Leaving China today

Greetings from the wonderful bustling China,

This will be our last post while in the great country!

As we are packing our last few things and boiling our last pot of water (did Tim mention you can't drink the water here?) I realize that I have so many emotions banging around in my heart and my head I can barely sort through them. A few I can identify easily.

The first is of unspeakable joy. How in the world did I get to be the wife and mom of such wonderful people? As Tim has demonstrated to you the past two weeks he is an awesome man, husband and daddy. Our kids are the best. Some of you know that I have never been that much of a kid person. I have always liked them OK but kids have not been my passion. I never babysat, well the few times I did I didn't enjoy it very much. But now? Oh man, I am hooked and it took my precious children to show me the thrill of knowing a child. The new little one in our family is going to fit right in she has brought so much joy and laughter already and she hasn't even met the majority of the family. How did God pick me? How did he know I would love motherhood so much? Well, that's easy, He's God.

I am also feeling extreme FEAR! Just typing these words has my stomach in knots. How in the world am I going to juggle all that has to be done? Our precious Faith will need 24/7 nurturing and care to ensure bonding and attachment. We are well on our way but we still have a lot of work to do. She still doesn't understand most of what I say. She has melt downs that I'm sure if I knew her better I would be able to read. The thing is I have 3 at home who after a long 2 weeks are going to need the same level of care and nurturing. How will I do it? Something I've been learning about God the last couple of years is that he never gives us a task or responsibility that we can do without His help. If we could what we would we need Him for? No, he allows us the privilege to live life with challenges that only He can accomplish through us. So here I am with one very big responsibility and one very humble spirit to know I cannot do this on my own. So, am I still afraid? You bet, but I know I am not doing this alone and that helps me to feel less fearful and more expectant.

A deep sense of sadness fills my heart as we leave China. We leave some very nice people who I think may come friends over the years as we share pictures and experiences with our girls but that isn't where the deep sadness comes from. Our daughter is now a citizen of China. All the sights, sounds and smells here (good or bad) are hers. When we come back she will only be a visitor. She knows this language. She was in foster care most of her life so she has a very good handle on everything that is Chinese. She won't remember any of it. It's just sad, there is no way around it. I really believe that in God's perfect plan families were meant to be together. Since He loves us so much He has allowed us to make some choices and often we make some bad ones. So here we are with this beautiful girl who fills us with joy who has come to us from because some people made some very hard and sad choices.

I am also feeling very excited! I want to see my babies! I have missed them so much and can't wait to give them big hugs and kisses. I told Tim I even miss the dogs. His comment was something about that changing in ten minutes after we get home....he's probably right. We have had such beautiful weather the past few days. It felt as if we were back in the Keys in the winter again. We missed the peaking of the fall leaves turning. I will be glad to smell the fires in the fire places and feel the cool crisp air. I am looking forward to introducing Faith to the new sights and sounds that will be hers as soon as we go through immigration in Atlanta tomorrow evening. She will be an American citizen! I am so excited to be coming home and sleeping in a bed that doesn't feel like my front door. Taking a shower in which I can open my mouth and not have to gargle with Listerine will be nice.

How can I be feeling all these things at the same time, not sure but there are more emotions that I can't figure out and I don't have time to explore. We have to have our bags out for the bellman in 30 mins....yikes! Gotta go.

Thank you all for joining us on our journey! God bless you all,

Janet